When You Have to Reply
When do you owe someone a response?
I think the answer is obvious. But, I have worked with enough people (maybe a third) who do not share my opinions. So I thought I’d write a short essay about when I think you owe someone a response, and you can see if you agree.
First let’s look at the types of people you owe responses to, and then at the promptness that response is owed in, then at some exceptions.
People you owe responses to
You owe a response to anyone...
• You currently work with.
• Who is a real friend of yours.
• You pay to do something for you.
• You have promised or implied a response to.
In summary, you owe a response to anyone who can reasonably expect a response from you. Of course you don’t owe responses to cold emails, or someone you met in a hostel once.
You should reply within <48 hours, sometimes much faster, if you are blocking them from doing something and/or if their message to you requires an urgent response.
In some cases you should reply much quicker than 48 hours, like if your friend has a flat tire. But in general, if someone else is going to mold their future actions based on what you say in reply, 48 hours is the absolute upper limit. It is disrespectful to the other person to not reply in this timeframe.
Then there are messages which do not require your prompt response, though it’s always better if you reply quickly. These are messages like:
It’s harder to prescribe a timeframe here. You’ll have to use common sense and think about what would be a reasonable timeframe to reply in. As a general rule though, there are very few situations in which it would be reasonable to take more than a couple of weeks to reply to somebody — even if the message was not urgent or important in any way.
One of the common excuses that people who reply way later than they should have give is that they were ‘busy’ and could not ‘devote the time’ to reply in a reasonable timeframe.
If this ever applies to you, you should simply tell them that. If an employee you manage asks for your sign-off on a project but you know you won’t have time to reply, you could say:
Hey - just letting you know I saw this message but won’t have the time to review this for at least another week. I’ll loop back then, but in the meantime please focus on [other project] and let me know if I can help. If I forget to loop back in a week, please follow up about it.
Most people don’t do this, which is crazy because writing a message like this takes no longer than 30 seconds and probably much quicker. Elon Musk can find time to be in the top Diablo 4 players in the world, so you can definitely find time to write a 30-second email that requires little to no brainpower.
Maybe my most counter-narrrative take here are that there are almost zero exceptions to doing one of the things above in a reasonable timeframe: either 1. Actually replying, or 2. Writing a short reply saying that you can’t write a real reply yet.
Most of the edge cases are covered. Vacations, family emergencies, sabbaticals, purge-from-the-internet wilderness retreats, really busy weeks. You can solve for most cases here.
The only real exception is if, while you are away, you receive an important message from someone who you did not expect to send you an important message. In that case it’s unlikely you could have prepared for it beforehand, so just explain yourself when you get back and it’s all good.
This essay was inspired by real-world events.
I think the answer is obvious. But, I have worked with enough people (maybe a third) who do not share my opinions. So I thought I’d write a short essay about when I think you owe someone a response, and you can see if you agree.
First let’s look at the types of people you owe responses to, and then at the promptness that response is owed in, then at some exceptions.
People you owe responses to
You owe a response to anyone...
• You currently work with.
• Who is a real friend of yours.
• You pay to do something for you.
• You have promised or implied a response to.
In summary, you owe a response to anyone who can reasonably expect a response from you. Of course you don’t owe responses to cold emails, or someone you met in a hostel once.
How promptly you should reply
You should reply within <48 hours, sometimes much faster, if you are blocking them from doing something and/or if their message to you requires an urgent response.
- Your employee needs your approval to start working on a project.
- Your friend needs confirmation beore they can book something for an upcoming trip, like a hotel.
- Your friend has a flat tire and is asking if you can come help them right now.
In some cases you should reply much quicker than 48 hours, like if your friend has a flat tire. But in general, if someone else is going to mold their future actions based on what you say in reply, 48 hours is the absolute upper limit. It is disrespectful to the other person to not reply in this timeframe.
Then there are messages which do not require your prompt response, though it’s always better if you reply quickly. These are messages like:
- An email from a former coworker asking if you’d like to catch up in the coming months.
- An email from a former employee asking if you’d like to hire them again at your new company.
- A text from a friend sending you something inconsequential, like a meme or a tweet.
It’s harder to prescribe a timeframe here. You’ll have to use common sense and think about what would be a reasonable timeframe to reply in. As a general rule though, there are very few situations in which it would be reasonable to take more than a couple of weeks to reply to somebody — even if the message was not urgent or important in any way.
What if you’re not ready to reply?
One of the common excuses that people who reply way later than they should have give is that they were ‘busy’ and could not ‘devote the time’ to reply in a reasonable timeframe.
If this ever applies to you, you should simply tell them that. If an employee you manage asks for your sign-off on a project but you know you won’t have time to reply, you could say:
Hey - just letting you know I saw this message but won’t have the time to review this for at least another week. I’ll loop back then, but in the meantime please focus on [other project] and let me know if I can help. If I forget to loop back in a week, please follow up about it.
Most people don’t do this, which is crazy because writing a message like this takes no longer than 30 seconds and probably much quicker. Elon Musk can find time to be in the top Diablo 4 players in the world, so you can definitely find time to write a 30-second email that requires little to no brainpower.
...but what about exceptions?
Maybe my most counter-narrrative take here are that there are almost zero exceptions to doing one of the things above in a reasonable timeframe: either 1. Actually replying, or 2. Writing a short reply saying that you can’t write a real reply yet.
Most of the edge cases are covered. Vacations, family emergencies, sabbaticals, purge-from-the-internet wilderness retreats, really busy weeks. You can solve for most cases here.
The only real exception is if, while you are away, you receive an important message from someone who you did not expect to send you an important message. In that case it’s unlikely you could have prepared for it beforehand, so just explain yourself when you get back and it’s all good.
This essay was inspired by real-world events.